I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
