Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
