My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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