Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize