He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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