where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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