The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
