She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
