"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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