im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
3pm strippers are depressing
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
