I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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