Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
