we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
