I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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