i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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