He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
