I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
