So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
