it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
