The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
