You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
