Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
