I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
