If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
