he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
