So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
