can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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