Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
