Kiss
Puke
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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