don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize