The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
