Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
