I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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