Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
