just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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