That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
