at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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