I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
