I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
