I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
