I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
