She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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