I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
