I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
