First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
