hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
