I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
