I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My bed smells like the plague
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
