i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
