If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
