Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
