So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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