Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
