I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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