i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
