First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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