I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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