I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
