and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
