i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
