The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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