i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
